MoMA Mixtape: Kendra Austin Finds Herself in The Starry Night

Just a few short weeks before entering MoMA for the first time, I was standing in the Gulbenkian Museum in Lisbon surrounded by cherubs, interpretations of the Immaculate Conception, and some really gorgeous Monets. A New York resident for six years now, I returned from that trip wondering whether I still belonged—and if I could still create here. I thought that maybe my spiritual bond to the city had been fractured.

I believe creation is the essence of spirituality. We’re spiritual beings in a physical experience reminding each other that we belong to something greater. Art is an ode to something greater. As a creative and spiritual person, I don’t believe in coincidences. My trip to MoMA wasn’t a coincidence, either, but a pleasant recollection of everything that has called me back to myself, my spirituality, and New York. It was right on time.

Moses Sumney’s “Colouour” & Lila Ike’s “Stars Align” + Vincent van Gogh’s The Starry Night

An aura reader once told me my aura was indigo and yellow, like Vincent van Gogh’s The Starry Night. At MoMA, I got to see myself painted with oil on canvas and heard “Colouour” by Moses Sumney. As summer comes to a close, I’m reminiscing about falling in love under the stars on my stoop in Brooklyn, wondering if my essence was reflected back at me in the eyes of this person—that’s how I’d know it’s true, like “Stars Align” by Lila Ike. After seeing this Van Gogh painting for the first time, I know what I’m looking for.

Vincent Van Gogh. The Starry Night. 1889

Hilma af Klint. The Large Figure Paintings, The WU/Rose Series, Group III No. 5, The Key to All Work to Date. 1907

Gayathri Krishnan’s “Sanctuary” and Cleo Sol’s “Self” + Hilma af Klint’s The Large Figure Paintings, The WU/Rose Series, Group III No. 5, The Key to All Work to Date

During my first spiritual awakening, I gradually softened, deepened, lightened, and unfurled at the seams to reveal a new person with a “new philosophy of life,” as Hilma af Klint described The Large Figure Paintings, The WU/Rose Series, Group III No. 5, The Key to All Work to Date. The piece transported me to “Sanctuary” by Gayathri Krishnan and “Self” by Cleo Sol. Both songs are about making yourself a place of safety, worship, and creativity. In my own ode to personal revelation, I started working on an oracle deck, The Realest Oracle, which was published this July. One of the cards, Shadow Work, mimics the balance of light and dark, stark lines, and hard curves in Klint’s painting.

Yebba’s “Distance” & SiR’s “The Recipe” + René Magritte’s The Lovers

The Lovers by René Magritte oozed “Distance” by Yebba: the regret of wanting someone but not being able to reveal yourself to them completely. The Lovers is an important card in the tarot deck, depicting the divine feminine and divine masculine holding hands under the watchful eye of the universe, which is waiting to see what they will ask of each other. This card used to be called The Choice because it represents a temptation of the heart, a moment when the querent will have to make sacrifices for the one they love. Magritte’s painting made me feel every situationship I’d ever been in, knowing that a relationship requires sacrifice and vulnerability, a removal of the veil I was unwilling to offer. Which brought me to my favorite song to run into the ground when faced with an unmasked lover, “The Recipe” by SiR.

Rene Magritte. The Lovers. 1928

Kendra Austin at MoMA

“I believe creation is the essence of spirituality. We’re spiritual beings in a physical experience reminding each other that we belong to something greater.”

Gaetano Pesce’s Up 5 Lounge Chair and Up 6 Ottoman (1969) and Moloch Floor Lamp (1970–71)

Hiatus Kaiyote’s “Red Room” + Gaetano Pesce’s Up 5 Lounge Chair with Up 6 Ottoman

I giggled when I first saw this Gaetano Pesce piece, because it was funky and seemed out of place in a room full of black-and-white photography. Something about it filled the room with electricity. I do believe a few hours in this obnoxiously bright, bubbly, plushy chair, under an obnoxiously bright, unnecessarily huge light in a completely empty room with “Red Room” by Hiatus Kaiyote playing in the background would cure my depression.

From left: Joanne Leonard. Kitchen, Ruth’s Home, Pomona Road, Ann Arbor, MI. 1978; Memo Center with Clean House Plaque, CA. 1975; Pantry, Kitchen, Austin, TX. 1980

Andrew Gold’s “Thank You For Being a Friend” + Joanne Leonard photographs

One of the essential aspects of healing is remembering when we felt most ourselves and safe in childhood. Joanne Leonard’s photo series of household items warmed my entire body from the heart’s center. I was sent back to spending summers with my late Grandma Rosie in the Chicago suburbs. I could hear her chatting on the wall-mounted house phone, talking to churchgoers about the upcoming pancake social while bacon sizzled on the stove. Standing in front of her vanity—cluttered with lipsticks, oils, lotions, and Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds perfume—is where I fell in love with the ritual of beauty and found comfort in my image, while listening to “Thank You For Being a Friend” by Andrew Gold, the theme song of The Golden Girls. That was our favorite show and it was usually on.

Kendra Austin at MoMA

I came to MoMA on the first of eight straight days of rain, and was greeted with delight. Pondering the inherent spirituality of art and its power to make us feel one with our feelings, thoughts, and environment, it occurred to me that any place I look at art becomes my home. MoMA reminded me of the wonder and inspiration that awaits me, that I belong, and that my spiritual journey is not yet over.

Kendra Austin is an author, content creator, model, and multi-hyphenate creative based in Brooklyn, NY.